THE OCHRE PAPERS is a space for readers to go deeper into the themes I explore here. As you read, questions may rise—curiosities, challenges, or echoes of your own experience. This column is where you can bring them. Think of it as a gathering place for deeper inquiry and dialogue. You can ask me anything, and I’ll choose some of your questions to explore publicly in these pages. Your questions—sent through messages and emails—have already been funny, moving, unexpected, and profound.
In my responses, I’ll draw on what I know and love: ancient knowledge, myth and story, symbolism, archetypal patterns, spirituality, and the teachings that have been gifted me and I can gift on.
Hi friends!
We’re kicking off The Ochre Papers Q&A column today straight in the deep end! The question of pain and illness as a call to initiation.
In my responses to the questions you send in to this column, I will always bring in a myth (at the very least) to help us go deeper.
As James Hillman wrote: Myths do not tell us how. They simply give the invisible background which starts us imagining, questioning, going deeper.
Thanks to all of you who have sent in questions so far. I pick them at random, so I hope this Issue’s question reveals itself to be relevant to anyone else wrestling with pain and/or illness.
THE OCHRE PAPERS ISSUE #1
Listen via audio
Hello dear Gabriela,
My question is about pain and illness as initiation.
Kind regards,
Anne
Dear Anne,
I was camping in Tasmania with my beloved earlier this month. We went on long wild walks through that rugged old place of a beauty I can’t quite condense into adjectives just yet. On one of our walks, we realised we were much further away from arriving than we had calculated. Which meant we were suddenly running late for an appointment (our car broke down and needed picking up from the mechanic) and the last leg of the walk was all uphill. And by uphill, I don’t mean a benign English hill. I mean, a near vertical ascent. And a jurassic one. Up rocks and boulders and slippery tracks through overgrowth with potential snakes in them. It was hot - perfect snake weather - and of the three varieties of snakes in Tasmania, all our venomous.
The entire ascent I thought my chest might burst and my heart would fall out of my mouth. And all I could think about was Sisyphus and that rock. And the upward climb only to have the rock roll back down the mountain and repeat the attempt all over again. This is how life feels at the moment. Like I’m pushing Sisyphus’ rock up a mountain again and again and again. It is painful.
The idea of pain and illness as initiation is found in many spiritual, psychological and shamanic traditions. It suggests that suffering—whether physical, emotional or mental—can serve as a transformative process that leads to deeper wisdom, personal evolution or a type of spiritual awakening.
Many indigenous cultures view illness and suffering as a call to initiation. In shamanic traditions, illness is often seen as a sign that a person is meant to become a healer. The person undergoing illness may enter a liminal space (a state between worlds), where they must confront their pain, fears and even death-like experiences. If they emerge transformed, they gain new wisdom and may even develop healing abilities.
In some Siberian and South American shamanic traditions, people who suffer mysterious illnesses or near-death experiences are seen as being “chosen” by the spirits. If they accept the call, they undergo rigorous initiations and may become shamans.
Carl Jung saw suffering and crisis as essential for psychological individuation (the process of becoming a whole and authentic self). He believed that when we go through deep pain, we are forced to confront our unconscious shadows and repressed aspects of ourselves.
This mirrors Joseph Campbell’s hero’s journey, where the protagonist undergoes trials, faces death (symbolically or literally), and emerges with newfound wisdom.
Someone experiencing chronic illness or depression might find that their suffering forces them to reassess their life, confront unresolved trauma, and ultimately emerge with a stronger sense of self and purpose.
Mystery traditions like Sufism, Christian mysticism and Buddhism see suffering as a path to enlightenment or deeper union with the divine.
Christian saints and mystics often spoke of suffering as a way to transcend the ego and become closer to God. The Christian mystic St John of the Cross described a stage in spiritual growth where one feels lost, abandoned and deeply wounded. This is not punishment but a necessary shedding of illusions, attachments and ego-driven desires. It can feel like divine silence or even a test, but in reality, he teaches that it is a preparation for deeper union with the divine. He calls this painful but purifying spiritual crisis the “Dark Night of the Soul”.
Signs of a Dark Night experience:
A sense of deep. emptiness or meaninglessness
Feeling disconnected from spiritual practices that once brought comfort
The loss of old identities, relationships or ways of being
Profound longing for something beyond the material world
If this resonates with you, know that this stage is temporary. It is burning away old skins so that you can emerge clearer, more aligned and awake.
In Buddhism, the First Noble Truth states that dukkha (suffering) is an inherent part of life. However, through deep awareness and practice, suffering can lead to liberation.
In many traditional cultures, physical pain is deliberately used as an initiation ritual. This can be seen in tribal rites of passage in which young people endure hardships to prove their readiness for adulthood. The vision quests of Native American traditions involve fasting, isolation and sometime physical suffering that then leads to spiritual visions and deeper self-awareness.
Illness is not seen as just a physical event but a message from the soul. The body is understood to be a mirror of the spirit, and chronic or sudden illness can indicate that something is out of balance. Spiritual traditions encourage listening to illness and pain as guides.
In myth
Sisyphus, the king of ancient Corinth, was condemned by the gods to an eternal punishment: he had to push a massive boulder up a mountain, only for it to roll back down every time he reached the top. He was forced to repeat this meaningless task for eternity.
The traditional interpretation is that this punishment was a curse for defying the gods. Sisyphus was punished because he tricked the gods multiple times, even escaping death itself. His punishment is usually seen as a symbol of futility, endless struggle and suffering without purpose.
But from the lens of pain as initiation, we can work with this myth through an existential and spiritual interpretation. The French philosopher Albert Camus reinterpreted the myth in his work The Myth of Sisyphus (1941) and suggested that Sisyphus represents the human condition. Our struggles may seem meaningless, but we can find meaning through how we face them.
From a spiritual perspective, Sisyphus can be seen as undergoing an initiation through suffering. His struggle forces him into a cycle of self-reflection. The boulder can be seen as a metaphor for life’s burdens—pain, illness, trauma or existential crises…
Sisyphus could despair over his suffering, but he chooses acceptance. Camus famously writes:
‘The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man’s heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.’1
Perhaps true initiation happens when we embrace the struggle rather than resist it. Sisyphus, by choosing to continue, transforms his suffering into a spiritual act of endurance and transcendence.
How this applies to you
If you’re experiencing pain or illness, this perspective doesn’t mean you should glorify suffering, but rather reflect on what it might be teaching you. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
What boulder am I pushing?
How can I shift my perspective to find meaning in the struggle?
Instead of resisting pain and illness, how can I work with them as transformative forces?
How can I integrate this experience into a new, more powerful version of myself?
If you’re going through this kind of initiation, here are some ways to navigate it
SURRENDER Accept the process rather than resisting it. Trust that it is leading you somewhere meaningful and move at your own rhythm, without trying to rush to the end of it.
SILENCE & REFLECTION Spend time in nature, meditation or prayer to hear the wisdom behind the pain.
ENERGY WORK & BODY AWARENESS Receive support from practitioners in therapies like craniosacral therapy, massage and yoga to help release spiritual blockages.
CREATIVE EXPRESSION Writing, poetry, music, dance and artwork can help transmute pain into insight
SPIRITUAL GUIDANCE Seek wisdom from spiritual teachers, mentors and elders who understand the path
Pain and illness can be seen as a sacred passage - a process that breaks down old patterns, forces deep introspection, and ultimately brings us closer to our true self and the divine. In Sufism, Rumi speaks of suffering as a doorway to the divine: ‘Be like a melting snow - wash yourself of yourself.’
This suggests that suffering dissolves the false self, and can reveal the divine presence within.
Spiritual initiations through pain and illness are difficult but deeply transformative. What feels like loss or suffering now may actually be a portal to a new way of being, one in which you are more aligned with your soul’s truth, your Soul Path.
Wishing you courage,
Gabriela
SUBMIT A QUESTION FOR THE NEXT ISSUE!
The Ochre Papers column is an exercise in our shared humanity. It is a refuge and reminder that the things that bring us together are far greater than those that separate us.
When submitting to this column, your questions can be personal (relationships, creative endeavours, existential dread, etc), but don’t be afraid to ask about other things, too: history/pre-history (my personal favourite), current events, ancient religion, questions about my own experiences, and pretty much everything else are all on the table.
Albert Camus (1942) The Myth of Sisyphus, Translated by Justin O’Brien p 123
I absolutely loved reading this. You nailed it! Thank you for your weaving of truth through various threads of wisdom. Can’t wait for the next issue.
This as very helpful to read. Thank you.